Step #2 to Less Stress: Recognition

Each step in our six step process to living with less stress is important. But, if I had to pick one as the most important, it would be RECOGNITION. Without recognition nothing can change.

Recognition is finally saying my life, or at least one aspect of it, is not working and I want to change it. Recognition maybe triggered by something relatively subtle like a conversation with a spouse, child or partner. It may be paying attention to a gnawing feeling that you have been carrying around or just a feeling of carrying a lot of stress that I no longer want.

Recognition may be triggered by depression, sadness, anger or any other emotion that we may see as shameful or embarrassing.

Or recognition maybe triggered by the proverbial cosmic 2 by 4 that hits you in the back of the head and screams: “wake up”. Life events like a spouse having an affair, a financial issue, a health issue, a child acting out issue, a death or any other catastrophic issue that completely grabs your attention and tackles you and says: “it’s time to change”.

It may seem obvious to say, but without recognition there can be no change in your life. Yet many of us spent long periods of our lives in denial.  I have seen couples go for decades in denial, walking through their lives without getting what they want, what they need. It may be when the kids leave or a change in career, or an affair, that the recognition comes forward that this relationship is not what they want.

The challenge for most of us is we have been taught to ignore these messages, particularly our emotions. We got the message to ignore them in subtle ways like: “have some ice cream, then you’ll feel better” or simply our parents were untouched or unavailable for our struggles.

Even when we got hit by the cosmic 2 by 4 we were taught to suck it up with neat, catchy, statements like “cry and I will give you something to cry about” or “when the going gets tough the tough get going”.

Recognition requires us to admit that there is something we need to change, that we can’t just suck it up and hope it changes on its own, or hope that someone else changes for us to make our life more wonderful. Living with less stress and more connection requires RECOGNITION. So, my question for you today is what do you need to recognize in your life as not working so that you can have the life you want?

Have a comment or a story of recognition you would like to share? Please leave a comment below. Read the whole Six Steps to Less Stress series to learn more.