Resistance, Safety, and Creativity
“Pull the string, and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all.” ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower
Resistance is our response to control. I used to believe that I needed to blast through my own and others resistance; it was a frustrating and painful process. Whenever resistance is present either internally or externally it is important to be aware of it, it is providing a critical message that control is present. Resistance protects us in our relationships from being violated or harmed. To tell someone or feel that someone is resistant is our immediate message to our self that we must be controlling.
Control is sourced from fear, if I can become aware of it the next step is to acknowledge what I fear if I were to lose control. This is the key to transforming control into creativity. Once I know what I fear I can replace: what I am trying to avoid, with: what I want to create. I do this by asking myself what it is that the fear wants. Through this process we can transform fear into inspiration.
For example: If I were to notice in my marriage, that I was receiving resistance from my partner around money and spending and then could recognize my control in the form of complaining or passive aggressive anger, I would ask myself what is my fear? I may realize that my fear was going broke, or not being able to retire. The next step would to be asking what my fear wants. In this case it might be to retire to Costa Rica and live on the beach. Now I can tell a story to myself and my partner that may engage us and inspire us, not only to save money for the event, but also to collaborate to find ways to make it happen sooner.
Our awareness of this relationship between resistance and control is the key to transforming our struggle with ourselves and others. If there is no control there is nothing to resist. The replacement for control, whether you are using on yourself or others is creativity.
The only way to really move another person is to inspire them with love, sanctuary, and acceptance. When we are coming from a place of love, sanctuary, and acceptance there is no perception of resistance, in fact we are able to see where a person is and are able to assist them from the place of love for the person. When a person feels safe, loved and accepted they will see the possibility to love and accept themselves. There is nothing more important than this.
Love, sanctuary, and acceptance will transform all of your relationships and when you turn it on yourself it will transform you.
Kyle Mercer