Guilt III (The Parent Trap)

Guilt is the killer of effective, loving, joyful parenting.  If there is anything you carry guilt about relative to your children forgive yourself and forgive the relationship.  There is nothing more destructive to parenting than feeling like you need to make something up to your children, that you need to fix them or owe them something.The corollary is also true if there is anything you are holding against your children forgive it immediately.  If they came to soon, at the wrong time, don’t have the personality that you would prefer, they take too much of your time, are too picky…  forgive them for it and don’t hold it against them.Parenting is one of the trickiest things we do. It is so critical to do it without bringing your ego into it, letting your children be who they are and thrive in their own way.Forgive your children the burden of your expectations, your drive, your projections, your shame, your fears, your history, your childhood, and cherish them for who they are. Create a safe environment for them to grow, give them what will enrich them, but not too much, let them fail and be frustrated, let them ask the question before you answer it, give them quiet, don’t fuss over them or over do your praise, ask them how they feel about things, listen to what they are saying even if they don’t have the words for it. If they are upset it is for a reason, they are the canaries in the coal mine of the family. They will be upset when they don’t even know why. Let them figure out how to do things on their own and stop telling them what to do all the time, let them get their own stuff, don’t be a servant to them, love them, give them moments of attention instead of directing them, sit down with them, watch what they are doing, get down on their level, learn from them, be patient and kind, carry no guilt and forgive them of your expectations, they don’t owe you, they are a gift of life and inspiration. If you are having a problem with them it is about you; time to grow.I always get in trouble when I talk about parenting, we take it so personally, we all feel like we have made mistakes. Let it go, get over it; parenting is the perfect learning situation, our doorway to enlightenment, our greatest challenge and best reward. Parenting exposes us and inspires us, let us learn to do it with grace and beauty.  Let our children be better than we are, get out of their way, watch them soar high over our heads and experience and do what we cannot.The next generation will be amazing people reaching higher from the fruit of our growth, the strength of our love and our letting go.Check out If I Can’t Fail Why Try for more parenting philosophy.