Want To

One of the most powerful tools I use in my coaching is listening to vocabulary and how people use words.  You can actually re-form your mind and its patterns by changing the words you use.One of my favorite tools for helping others to change the way they think about their lives life—and for changing the way they make decisions—is to totally eliminate the words and concepts:  Should, shouldn’t, and “have to.”These three words are destructive and lead us to feel un-free and victimized by life.  When we use these words we forget that we have choice. This leaves a hole in our communication that must be filled.Instead, try using the words and concepts, “want to” and “don’t want to."  Make this a discipline. This switch forces you to think and feel in a totally different way.“Should,” “shouldn’t,” and “have to” all have us living and deciding from an outside-in perspective.  It is all about what is expected, what others want, what culture teaches us.  When you are using these words, you are sourcing your life from outside.“Should,” “shouldn’t,” and “have to” all imply going against something we want; they puts us into internal opposition.  You may be surprised to find many of the things you think you don’t want to do, you actually do want to do, when given the choice.When we use “want to” and “don’t want to” we must ask ourselves what we want.  We can still take in all the information and data but it is a powerfully different choice when we actually choose what we want.At first you may tend to choose for what you want right in this moment, but as you practice you will mature and make choices that serve you well in your life.  We can “want to” and be mature in our “want to” choices.Try it out before you go to work.  “I have to go to work” is no fun.  Just wait until you can say you “want to” go to work. It will change your whole day.Give it a week; get disciplined and only make your decisions from “want to” and “don’t want to.”  Abolish “should,” “shouldn’t,” and “have to.” Use only the words “want to” and “don’t want to” internally and in all your communications.Let me know how your “want to” life is going.