Stories

When someone does something, you make up a story about it.  This is your brain’s attempt to understand and control life.Unfortunately your brain is prejudiced from your past and is only using very limited information and perspective.The result of making up a story is that the story your brain makes up then stimulates an emotional response to the story.If someone does something and you interpret it as generous, you might feel pleasure or gratitude.  However, if later you find out information that makes their gesture seem suspect, then your brain might interpret it as selfish on their part, you might feel anger or betrayal, and now you have two very different emotional stories arising from the same event.This is the process:Event > Story > Emotional ReactionTo test this, recall something you reacted to in the recent past.  Since you had a reaction, you know that you made up a story about it.Now, from the same facts, see if you can make up a different story that would give you a different emotional reaction.  See how many different stories you can make up about it (there could be thousands).  By choosing a story, you can manage your reaction.What would happen if you made up no story about what happened?  Perhaps there would be no reaction or maybe even compassion for the human condition.If you do need to generate a story because you are in relationship with the person and you want to understand them better or find a way to avoid the event in the future, I recommend the Inquiry Method™.  Instead of automatically making up a story, be curious and come from a sense of wonder and inquiry.  Try inquiring into what was behind that event.  Ask them to share their own story about it.  You don’t have to take on their story either, but you will see much deeper into their reality and maybe get some insight into how to avoid a similar event in the future.The great thing about the approach of the Inquiry Method™ is that when we don’t suffer from unconscious, automatic reactions to events, we can be more effective in resolving issues.  This approach results in a sense of freedom because we are no longer victims or slaves to the stories our brain make up.