The Best Kind of Argument

We don’t need to struggle in our relationships like we do.The key is so simple.Despite what we think, relationships are not a very good environment for getting our needs met. Coming to relationship with an expectation (or hope) that it will fulfill our needs is a great misunderstanding.  It is much better to come to relationships full, having met our own needs.If we can see that we are in charge of meeting our own needs, then we can see that relationships are about what we can do together.  Relationships, the we-space, is of a higher order than the I-space.The question in a great relationship is not what serves me but what serves us.For example if we were painting our house together and choosing a color, the I-space says:  I like blue and the you-space says I like green.  However, if we ask what does the relationship need, the we-space says we need more cheer and happiness, the we-space may choose orange!If every time in your relationship you ask what serves the we-space, you will always be arguing in parallel for something you both want rather than oppositionally for what your I-space needs, and that is a whole different ball game.In your next disagreement discuss the issue from the context of what will create MORE LOVE in your family or relationship.  That is the best kind of argument to have.