Levels of Primary Relationship

Do you ever think about how you interact with others?Let’s look at this as a sports metaphor: some people play at the amateur level, some at the pro level, some play semi-pro while others excel in their field of play.We all participate in relationships, and it serves us to be able to interact with skill. As we grow in our personal and professional development, we can play and work with others at higher levels of interaction.You may have heard me talk about levels of participation. It is a core principle of Inquiry Method that explores how we interact with others. Higher functioning levels of participation create an energetic output that amplifies other people and their way of participating.At certain times, we will be able to participate with others at lower or higher levels based on a combination of our capacity and the situation. Some situations may trigger us in a way that we are only able to participate at a lower level.This model applies to families, businesses, and groups of any kind.Let’s briefly go over the different levels of participation as they apply to primary relationship.Level I: NeedsAt this level I am only in it because I need something, the whole object is what I can get for myself.Level II: ExchangeExchange is: I will do for you, if you do for me. The relationship is based on fairness there is an attempt to have an equal exchange. Arguments will arise to resolve perceptions of unfairness, it may be difficult to determine the relative value of each person’s contribution; sometimes this determination is deferred to the legal system.Level III: ContributionParticipating from contribution, I have ideas about what our relationship should be like; I am participating by contributing my best and want to be met in my idea of relationship. I generate a lot of energy and want to be fully met in contribution, usually toward my idea of how it should be. Conflict occurs when there are differing idea of what we are doing and how we should do it.Level IV: CollaborationAt this evolved form of relationship we (notice how “I” is no longer used) are interested in the highest way of relating and co-operating, we have shared ideals that we are working toward together. This is the want-for-us level that I have spoken of before. We use inquiry, listening, and open communication to collaborate to work for something higher than us. This in turn has an effect beyond we, this energy has an impact on those around us, rippling out and inspiring others. There may still be disagreement, but it is how we achieve our ideals rather than what they are or what I need. The love that is generated is infectious.Level V: RadianceYou and I radiate the ideals we aspire to in our relationship we are models and inspirational to others. We have arrived at the ideals we've aspired to and simply by how we behave, we are teachers of love, inquiry, and openness; others can find sanctuary in our presence.Imagine relationships that have a higher intent than simply getting our needs met.Imagine working together toward a higher order of things.Imagine a relationship that is not simply for the two of us, but is a relationship that is in service to the world.What would it be like to participate in that kind of process? No matter what level you are presently at, what would it take for you to be capable of the next level, how would you have to grow? What skills would you need?